What Personality Type Was My Mom?

Hey everyone.   This is long, but it kinda needs to be, in order to capture her full essence. 

Can you help me figure out what Myers-Briggs personality type my mom was?   Sadly, my Mom passed away on July 20^th, 2013 (heart attack).  She left a void in our lives that can never be filled...

I will include details about her past and how she grew up, because I do believe that helps to shape our personality type.   

Ok, so here it is:

Mom (Cindy) was the second oldest of 8 kids (her brother John was the oldest).  She suffered abuse and neglect as a kid and a teen.  Specifically, she did endure sexual abuse at the hand of a her step father, from age 10 to age 15.  When she tried to tell her mother…   She was accused of lying, and trying to ruin the family’s chance at financial stability…  

 So mom ran away from home at 15 to escape the situation.  She lived on the streets where she got attacked by several other men, until a local Hell’s Angel leader fell in love with her and took her under his protective wing for a couple years. 

She lived on an Indian reservation with some friends for a couple years too, where she learned a lot of spiritual stuff and did a lot of inner healing and growing.   

Most people loved her a lot.  Despite her past, she had a very fun (and funny), bright and energetic personality.   People cheered up whenever she was around.  Most of the men who met her became addicted to her "energy" and chased after her.  But she wasn't arrogant, and didn't abuse that.   For example, she wasn't a boyfriend stealer or a home wrecker.   She would just be honest if she wasn't interested.   And she wasn't about stealing another woman's man, that just wasn't her thing.   

In other words, Mom was not a “player”. She loved most deeply, but even so, she didn’t like being pinned down.  She liked her freedom.

I don't mean sexual freedom, because she wasn't really the sort to sleep around.   I just mean she didn't like being so close that she no longer felt like an individual. She didn't want to mentally or spiritually "become one" with anybody.  She did believe in "forever love", but only on certain conditions.   She felt that a couple should be 2 strong and independent individuals who share some of their time and talents with each other, and appreciate/admire what the other person shows them...    But you should never give  every part of your soul to someone else, or depend on them for your happiness.   Only you can (or should) give yourself that.

She would leave a relationship when she felt it was becoming too "codependent".   Or just too passionless.

Mom was tough too…   She was a “Tom-Boy” who loved to get out in the field and pitch a good game of baseball or softball (she put a lot of boys to shame).  Equally good at batting, catching and pitching.  She didn’t mind getting her hands dirty working on a car, and knew more about an engine than most women and some men.  Notice the baseball glove under her arm here as she takes a cigarette break with her older brother:

Music from the 1960's, 1970's and some 1980's were her favorite.  Particularly Mowtown artists, any top artists from the 60's really, Dan Hill, and singers like Barry White, Roy Orbison, The Righteous Brothers, Gladys Knight, Harry Nilsson, Air Supply, Bonnie Tylor,Whitney Houston, Tina Turner...   And ok, she even loved that song "Meet Me Halfway" by Black Eyed Peas.  

I remember she would always put her music on while she cleaned the house because it "gave her energy" and lifted her up, lol.  

Then later, in her last 2 years, she took a liking to a song that Barry White was popular for-- "My first, My Last, My Everything."  She said Barry White was "a man who really knows what he is talking about in love".  But she especially fell in love with a version of that song that he teamed up with Luciano Pavarotti in a live performance for.   She would open up this video on YouTube with her computer and listen to it (loudly) EVERY day, right before she left the house to go do her errands  because it "energized her".  She would sing loud and clap and dance along with it...   Made her so happy.  She says she fell madly in love with Pavoratti in this song, because of "the dreamy look in his eyes".  Here is the video, she especially adored the orchestra beginning:

She did LOVE a good, LOUD verbal argument too though, and never backed down from her position.  She always won the arguments.  Not because she was right, per se…  But because she just would NOT give up until the other person realized they were never gonna win, and walked away, lol.   She was good at “boxing people in” too, and unfortunately that would often result in less tolerant people taking a swing at her…

On that note, she never initiated physical fights.  Not unless someone was just doing something morally unacceptable (like if another woman sat on her man’s lap, or if she saw someone abusing child…).  But she was famous for beating the crap out of any person dumb enough to throw the first punch at her (male or female).  Again, usually something people would laugh at when they witnessed it.  This short little woman, kicking butt like a ninja turtle!  lol.   

Men almost always thought it was “cute”, and called her a little firecracker J .  But she had this way of wooping someone’s butt that made them respect her and be her best friend afterward, if that makes any sense.  I guess because after it was done, she would stand over them and lecture them on how morally wrong they were, and then offer them a hand to help them up, followed by a pat on the back and “Ok, are we cool now?”  lol. 

She had this sense of morality…   She expected everyone to be a fundamentally decent human being.  And if they didn’t, if they back-stabbed or hurt someone-- they were sure to get a piece of her mind! 

Very protective of us (her kids).  We were never abused, and she never exposed us to anybody whom she thought was capable of that.  If she thought anybody was mistreating us, she would come at them like a mama bear!  But at the same time, she did not defend us if WE were in the wrong…   In that case, she would agree with whoever we offended, and make us apologize, or do whatever it took to right the wrong.  

My parents, with my brothers and sisters, and me in the little yellow dress:

She did what was fair and right, even if it meant breaking alliances.   I think because when she was a kid, she felt like nobody stood up for what was right for her…   People just swept things under the rug. So she decided she was never gonna do that.

In every job she worked, she always ended up being the manager / boss. The best at what she did.  She was the ONE worker that never got fired (if she left a job, it was because she quit).  She was a Taxi driver/dispatcher mostly. One of the few women who weren’t afraid to do that line of work.  

Her superiors at work enjoyed her comedy, her motivation and they couldn’t afford to lose her devotion.   But she herself was NOT a jerk of a boss.  She was very fair.  She worked hard, and minded her own business.  Never got anyone fired, or gossiped, simply because she was threatened by them, or didn’t like them.  She figured if you were doing your work, you deserved the job, even if you were an ass.  And if you and her didn’t get along…  Well, that’s just life!  If you would focus more on your job, it wouldn’t bother you so much. 

She was quite hyper and energetic.  The life of the party.  If you wanted to laugh and have a great time—invite Cindy along!   Never planned anything out, usually a “fly by the seat of her pants” kinda gal.

When she did clean, she did a thorough and excellent job.  But…   In her own home, she would often let things go and get quite messy between cleanings.   

A wonderful motivator, she could inspire anyone to do anything.  She couldn’t stand being depressed.   If the mood was bad, she would jump up and do something to get everyone laughing.  Or take everyone out to do something fun.  

And you know those people that the world just seems to throw away, or forget about?  Like the homeless people, or the people in the nursing homes?  Well…   Mom didn’t.   She was never too good or too busy for anyone.  She volunteered in homeless shelters, donation drives, etc.   Working in the nursing homes.  She loved taking care of sick, elderly and helpless people.  She called them “my babies”. 

People would often ask for her by name, because she cheered them up and put them at ease. 

She was also VERY spiritual and deep.   She had this way of looking into a person’s eyes and reading their soul.  Instantly knowing their nature.   I don’t know if this makes any sense, but she was able to guide people on peaceful, spiritual journeys.   

She had a near-death experience once, and swore that she saw what was “on the other side”.  Because of this, she became sort of a spiritual guide to some people.   Even people who were sick and dying soon…   They wanted her by their side, because she could take their hand, look them in the eyes, and make everything ok.  She could make them see dying as a beautiful, spiritual transition. One that she did not fear in the least!   Like moving up in the universe.   Not to be dreaded, but embraced, when the time was appropriate.

If there was a wounded or sick animal, people would bring it to her and she would nurse it back to health.  Even plants she could revive.  You wouldn’t even know it was the same animal or plant when she was done with it.  

She was a healer, and an inspiration.   An artist too, quite the talented sketch artist and jewelry maker.  She loved to go rock hunting and polished her own rocks.  People loved her work. 

But as for romance and love life…  She was often the love of MANY men’s lives, even though she herself was extremely selective.  She had difficulty staying with one man longer than 5 to 10 years.    She filed for divorce 3 times, and had several unmarried relationships that lasted a couple years during her life.   She didn’t “sleep around”, she was loyal when she was in a relationship.   They were just short-lived.  

I guess you could say she was a “free spirit”.  She tended to make men insecure…   She kept ending up with men who wanted her to give them her entire mind and heart…  But she just couldn’t do that with anyone.  

Mom dancing with my brother Brad, at his wedding:

If a man wanted her to stick around, he had to give her some space.  She was usually friends with her exes, and even their future wives.   In her last few years, she always said,

“My ideal man is someone who just lets me be free to come and go whenever I please.  I’ll never cheat on him…  But he can’t be trying to own me, control me, change me, or possess me.  I can’t give ALL of myself to anyone.  I have to keep some of myself just for me.   He can’t be so needy and insecure.  He’s gotta trust the fact that he is in my heart, and just enjoy the moments we have  

together, without going nuts if I don’t come home for a while.”

Myers-Briggs Personality Type INFJ = Tough Job Search!

So I took that ever famous personality test:  The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI).  I’ve taken it many times actually, in an attempt to be accurate in learning more about the inner depths of my somewhat indecipherable mind… 
  

So it turns out, I’m an INFJ.  Basically, that is the rarest personality type, its about 1% of the population.   Which can be a good or bad thing, depending on how you look at it.   We are basically very introverted (loners, somewhat anti-social), but very empathetic; we really do care about people and often end up as counselors.  Or social workers.   We also commonly become writers, book worms, artists, theater buffs, musicians, talk show hosts, librarians, front desk clerks, Motel managers-- and the list goes on.  

If you would like to learn more about INFJ personality types (or other personality types, or the Myers-Briggs test)-- please read this page here:  

http://www.personalitypage.com/INFJ.html .

So yeah…   INFJ.  We really do prefer to work alone.   We focus best that way.  Groups of people tend to stress out, distract and drain us.  We excel best when we are given our instructions and left alone to do our work.   Or when we are the boss, or in a position where we can help people and express our ideas and creativity.  

Now, contrary to popular belief, there is nothing wrong with being an introverted, quiet loner, who ponders a lot.  Its during these alone “pondering” times when we write our best-selling novels, or movie scripts, or study organisms under a microscope to discover a cure.   Even work up new theories and mathematical equations.  

Yes, that’s right.  Historically, the quiet loners and spacey-eyed dreamers have an excellent track record!  

But where do we find jobs that suit our strengths and comfort levels?  

I am currently job searching, and I can say that my biggest concern is finding a job where I can be the only employee there most of the time (or maybe just one of 2 or 3).  And work very independently. 

I also have another problem—I do not have a degree yet.  I have been running a part-time online business for a few years, and prior to that, I only worked in a pizza place and a bakery.   So…  I’m thinking,

“Where can I find a job SOON where I can work mostly ON MY OWN, while I study?  I understand I can’t get any of the really great work-alone jobs (counselor, social work, writing editor, etc) until I have a degree or two.  Or more experience.  But I mean just to start out…   Where can I work right now?"

I dunno, the best thing I can come up with is maybe a Taxi driver, lol.   I know you talk to the dispatcher and all.  And customers in the back seat.   But 95% of the time, you are the only worker present.  Which appeals to most INFJ’s.   And its something you don’t need a bunch of degrees for.   

They will usually train the right person, if they are new to the field.   

I’m sure there are things about it I will hate, but…   I’m really just wanting a job where I don’t have co-workers buzzing all around me, and a manager walking by every 30 seconds.  Somewhere willing to train someone with not a lot of experience.  Ugh!  The dilemma.  Lol.